I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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