isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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