That's intense
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
