My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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