I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
