I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hippo gnu deer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
