Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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