His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
