Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
