I CAN MOONWALK!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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