Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
