My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
