We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
