A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
