She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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