Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
