Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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