So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
