this just has baby written all over it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
