why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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