I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
