Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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