I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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