On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
