We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
