You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
