I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it glows. i had to have it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
