white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
