So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
