Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
