alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
