I'm so fucking centered right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk is not a location!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
