I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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