That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
