school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
