so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Randomize
