We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
