Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
