no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
