At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
