She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
