Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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