Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
