Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
