Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
