even my farts smell like vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
