so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
