Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
