the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
