make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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