I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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