every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
