PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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