How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
