I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
