remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
