guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk is not a location!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
