I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
