he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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