Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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